


Lance McClain: Bisexual Space King

by Methoxyethane



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Altean Lance (Voltron), Arranged Marriage, But drama too, Comedy, Galra Keith (Voltron), Galra Shiro (Voltron), It's just the base I used, Knowledge of Kyou Kara Maoh not neccesary though, Kyou Kara Maoh AU, M/M, There's kind of a lot of drama, and it starts pretty fast too lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-27 20:33:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13888617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Methoxyethane/pseuds/Methoxyethane
Summary: The day Lance found out he was not from Earth at all but in fact the king of a galactic empire started when he got his head shoved into a toilet. It ended with him engaged to marry a surly alien prince.The worst part was the fact that it only stayed the weirdest day of his life for like, a week.





	Lance McClain: Bisexual Space King

The day Lance found out he was the king of a galactic empire and got engaged to marry an alien started when he got his head shoved into a toilet.

Oh sorry, were you confused because that makes no sense? Too bad, because that’s just Lance’s LIFE now. Complete nonsense. 

So back up to the beginning of the day, that afternoon when school got out. Lance was on his way home, having gotten his ass kicked off of the soccer team after a fight with his coach and therefore nothing left to do after class anymore. And while he was walking his bike up the big hill he passed by a couple of thugs harassing a kid, and better yet a kid Lance was pretty sure he knew from middle school when they’d been in the same AP science course. 

A part of him, of course, wanted to pedal away and pretend he’d never seen anything. But that was a dick move, and even if he’d only had a few odd conversations with Pidge wherein Lance had never actually figured out if they were a boy or a girl and didn't know how to ask, the point was Pidge was cool and kind of way too itty-bitty for it to be okay that s/he was getting surrounded like that. So Lance regretfully set his bike up against the nearest telephone pole to wander over and break up the harassment.

Pidge of course, was a nasty little gremlin who ran off as soon as attention was diverted to Lance. Lance who then got gangbusted and dragged into the women’s bathroom to dunk his head into a toilet.

The REALLY fun part was here, when the swirly made him black out for some reason! And when he woke up, instead of being on the floor of the women’s public restroom like he’d expected, he was lying in the grass somewhere, and the weather was colder than he remembered. Which would have made sense if it were night now, but instead it seemed like it was somehow EARLIER in the day… And his cell phone had nearly full battery but no signal at all.

It was while he was trying to figure out where, precisely, he was that the monster attacked. 

Yes, a monster. As in, some kind of horrible many-toothed beast popping up out of the pretty grass to try and eat Lance’s face. Oh sorry, did that sound unrealistic, because Lance could still beat that. The only thing less likely than a monster attack was a heroic knight swooping in to save Lance. Which also happened. Just in the knick of fuckin’ time and everything. 

Upon closer inspection, his savior seemed more like a comic book hero than a knight. His face was handsome and open, but the skin was tinged purple and a scar ran across the bridge of his nose in a single thin line. Just as Lance was starting to wonder if he was still passed out and just dreaming he was in a video game, he noticed the sky. Not the bright blue and too-high sun he’d noticed before, but that instead of clouds were giant glowing white spirals and rings branching out to pattern the entire horizon.

“Oh, shit, Toto,” Lance had mumbled to himself. “I don’t think this is Kansas anymore.”

\--

The handsome superhero’s name was Shiro, and his reaction to looking at Lance’s face was: “By the gods, you really ARE alive.” Which Lance didn’t find particularly comforting for… so many reasons. 

Basically it was at this point he decided if he wasn’t straight-up dreaming, he was probably locked into some kind of virtual reality game that had fucked with his head and made him forget… you know, that Earth had technology so advanced it could make it smell like you were standing next to a dead bleeding monster-beast in damp grass, and stuff.

Anyway the point is, Lance’s decision was just to go with the flow around this time. Like, fuck it, fighting against this because it didn’t seem like a thing that could be real was a little useless now, so Lance just shrugged and asked, “Who’s alive, now?”

The man, who was at least dressed like a knight even if it was an alien version  _ of  _ such, answered him with a look of almost reverence. “Your hair, your markings, and the Royal blue of your eyes… You could only be the son of the late King Alfor. You’re the lost prince of Altea.”

Not knowing what he meant by the word ‘markings’ as Lance had as of yet no access to a mirror to know what his own face looked like, he was honestly ready to dismiss this claim, even if it was no secret he was technically and biologically an orphan, not counting his extended adopted family. At least, until this guy called Lance by name without ever having been told it, or possibly looked at his I.D. 

Oh, yeah. Definitely a video game.

“Alright that’s cool,” Lance ended up saying back, because he was tired and still wet with toilet water and kind of wanted to move on with this cutscene to get some dry pants on. “So does that mean I have a castle I can rest up at before the main quest begins, because I am TOTALLY low on HP right now if you know what I mean.”

One of Shiro the Hero’s perfect eyebrows quirked, probably because Lance sounded like he to was hallucinating. Which, preeeettttty sure he was, so. 

Anyway, Shiro had this neato little flying podship thing, all sci-fi white with blue lights on it that they rode to get the fuck out of the grassy monsterlands. Explained to Lance that his coincidental appearance had NOT been a coincidence, but rather the direct investigation of a fucking WORMHOLE opening in that area that the Royal Altean Alchemists were a bit concerned by, which, honestly? Yeah that was fair. Made more sense than “Handsome Royal Knight Saves Moron Prince By Accident,” you know?

They don’t go to the castle straight away, not because it isn’t so close as to be visible on the horizon but because getting a second opinion on this whole ‘lost royalty’ thing was kind of the thing to do before anyone rang any alarm bells. 

So as they got to a city to meet some royal official of some kind Lance noticed pretty quickly that Shiro was not the expectation when it came to looks. Most people looked almost human, except for weird tattoos on their face and elf ears that actually looked pretty cool. There were other types of aliens mixed in with the crowds, lots more purple fuckers to explain Shiro and a few in random shades of blue and green that look more like fish than humans. The elf-people were most common by far, but a healthy mix of other freaks and geeks were blended in like all these people of different species mingling and chilling was the norm. Lance could appreciate that.

The royal official was a guy who apparently knew Lance’s parents SO WELL that when they made eye contact, the dude burst out crying.

“KING ALFOR,” he sobbed grabbily. “You’re his spitting image, you have his eyes exactly!” Oh, and did Lance not mention the part where he threw himself onto Lance to hug him by the waist, a death-drip of affection Lance was not equipped to handle right now? They both fell to the floor, wherein the strange mustachioed man grabbed Lance by the head so he could cry about his hair next, and how he’d gotten it from his mother and OH JOYOUS DAY THE YOUNG PRINCE HAS RETURNED TO US UNHARMED!

Yeah, nothing about THAT was weird or uncomfortable or anything. 

Either way it turned out instead of relying on his face alone they’d brought some kind of medical scanner, and soon they were all off and running with confirmation of Lance’s genetic heritage, which, yeah followed the uh, old plotline he was stuck in here, right? Lost prince, alien planet, check check check.

Okay, they DID offer a better explanation than that. Apparently his parents had both been killed in an attack, so fearing for baby Lance's life Shiro himself had escorted Lance to a safehouse on a remote planet. How on earth he’d wound up out of the safehouse and into the orphanage he and Hunk had been adopted from…  _ on Earth _ , was a mystery no one knew the answer to because they’d looked for Lance where he and his foster family has been left to find no sign of anything but a hasty escape.

So anyway that sorted out off to the castle they went, because scifi fantasy realms apparently didn’t have technology that could dry wool blends without at least going home first and to a dryer.

There were even more people in the castle, who had by now heard of their lost prince’s return and were aaalllll a hubbub. But fortunately Shiro and Coran didn’t try and force him to MEET anybody just yet, taking him to, thank CHRIST on a cracker barrel, a big fucking empty bathhouse to strip out of his wet Catholic School uniform and generally be alone for five minutes to try and… absorb this.

It helped… or didn’t help? That he finally got to see his own reflection.

His skin looked the same, and all his facial features were still in the right order and everything but… his eyes seemed brighter. Proooobably a result of his HAIR having turned fuckig cerualean baby blue. He had the same weird tattoos as all the other elves he’d met, and the pointy ears to match. Fuck, and as soon as he got his shirt off Lance realized the blue markings weren’t just two dashes under each of his eyes, but a strange array of patterns twisting down his arms and back….

They looked kinda cool, even if the anime hair was a little off-putting. Mostly, he looked like an Altean, Lance realized. He looked like… everyone else now. Or probably had since the moment he’d gotten here.

He spent a long time in the water, once he figured out how the shower worked. Not that he spent the entire time examining his now alien body, even though he probably should have as he was preeeettty sure his balls didn’t feel right but wasn’t ready to look down at a bright robin’s egg blue field of pubes. No, Lance was just in there feeling the water hit his skin and thinking, that for a dream, this sure was a lot of physical sensations and different, completely unearthly smells. He wasn’t sure his own brain could come UP with this much highly detailed nonsense, but that only left the virtual reality answer which he was pretty sure STILL didn’t explain the way the hard spray of the water both stung his skin and felt totally relaxing at the same time.

So obviously, by the time Lance got out of the shower and finally dried off, he had gotten nowhere in figuring out what the FUCK was going on here. It’s not like this could be real life, right? Even this being a hyperrealistic drug induced hallucination was more likely than that.

He ended up at a huge dinner with too many royal and military stiffs before he’d gotten his head sorted out. By then the whole thing had stopped being funny and just ended up kind of stressful, so when the table went around for introductions Lance had to put forth like, real effort to remember pretty much anyone but Shiro’s name.

Thank god he was sitting next to Shiro, by the way? He could spend the whole dinner whispering things to Lance because he fucking KNEW Lance didn’t understand what the hell was going on?

But YEAH, introductions were important, because uh, Lance met his cousin! Which he did not know he had! Next to Coran was the beautiful Lady Allura, whom Lance fortunately noticed his resemblance to before he got a chance to instinctively hit on her. But important part Shiro explained to him after her name was the part where she was acting Regent, and had basically been acting as Queen of all Altea for like. A decade or whatever, which wasn’t badass or anything at ALL.

Next to her was the military’s top dog, Commander Hira, and next to her was the kingdom’s appointed head of science, Honerva. 

“And this is Prince Keith von Koganikov, who’s staying here as the ward of his aunt Honerva,” Coran introduced a conspicuously beautiful creature Lance might have in fact noticed as soon as he entered the room. “Emperor Zarkon’s grandson via his third daughter, the honorable warrior Lady Krolia.”

Keith von… something or other had the same yellow corneas and purple tint to his skin Shiro had, although Lance thought it looked more adorably peachy-soft on the younger that made him look like he would still blush pink… if he weren’t scowling at the universe in general instead. His hair looked soft, too, even if it WAS cut into a ridiculous mullet, and he had these long eyelashes and sparkling purple irises and like… HOW could an anything even be this pretty?? From the shade of his skin to the pout on his lips, pure perfection??? What was UP with this stupid fantasy realm WHY WAS EVERYONE GORGEOUS HERE?

There may or may not have been another person at the table who Lance missed entirely. It was a stressful day, okay?? And the aliens were REALLY distracting.

Oh, and as for the conversation? He figured out waaayyy too late the part where as the only son of the last known king, Lance HIMSELF was now… technically… King of all Altea. Which was a planet. He was rightful KING. Of a multi-planetary intergalactic EMPIRE.

So much for hoping for a nice easy quest to defeat a demon lord.

Before he even got a chance to process that he was apparently supposed to rule over millions of lives, half the table was already protesting his ability to do so. Which, fair? If they hadn’t been such asshole about it, anyway.

“How is he supposed to rule this world when he’s never even been to it?” ScienceLady Honerva was stating with reasonable doubt. “Lady Allura’s noble blood is more than enough to continue the throne with. We should have just made her rightful Empress eons ago, there’s no need to rely on some stranger just because he’s the son of a man who’s been dead for decaphoebs.”

“A stranger descended from two separate lines of royalty and the most powerful magical lineage known to all Altean history,” Coran was arguing back loyally. “The idea of sending him to a different world with to live with surrogates was to broaden his horizons so he wouldn’t be limited in ideas! He’s young enough to learn yet, and I think he’ll make a splendid king.”

“Does he even desire to be king?” His own apparent cousin Allura was questioning. “So far the only thing he’s done since he arrived is babbled nonsense, I don’t believe he even intends to take this seriously!”

“W- Well, I don’t know yet, I haven’t had time to decide if I wanna be king of anything! I don’t see why we have to have this argument on the first DAY, I haven’t even gotten a chance to nap this off and make sure it’s not just a dream yet!”

A vicious eyeroll from the pretty princeling, loaded with so much attitude it immediatly set Lance on edge. His entire demeanor did, come to think of it - why could this guy still act so superior when he was the only one at the table who looked like he was the same stupid age as Lance anyway?! “Shiro, there’s no way you’re actually going along with this, right?” Keith was scoffing. “Why are you supporting this nonsense, you can’t just drag some random hobo out of a wormhole here and make him our king, it’s ridiculous!”

“It’s not NONSENSE, they checked my DNA and everything! I’m totally a real prince!” Lance defended, even though he hadn’t decided if he believed it was TRUE or not yet because fuck this guy. “Who are you to say if I’m capable of anything?!”

This purple asshole didn’t even glance at him. “And you said his surrogates disappeared, so we don’t even know who he was raised by!” Lance’s hackles instantly raised, all the stress and frustration of this whole stupid situation narrowing into a sharp defensive anger pointed right at Keith. Say what you want about Lance, but if this fucker was about to badmouth the family that  _ took him in? _

He did just that. “He could be some criminal moondust addict picked up off the street by candynoses trying to make a dime off selling a kid! And you want him in charge of the entire Empire’s budget?!”

Lance was reacting before he even knew he was going to, the table clattering as he slammed his hands down to propel himself out of his seat with a shove. “Say what you want about me, but you shut the hell up about my family, you little dickhead!”

“You don’t even KNOW your family!” were the words Keith managed to get out before Lance hit him.

Look… not a lot of little brown kids got adopted in Florida, allright? And for his parents to take in both he AND Hunk, who obviously weren’t even real brothers, just because they claimed they were and wouldn’t leave without the other? Lance’s parents were AWESOME. As far as Lance was concerned, they were the only family he had or needed, and he just couldn’t stand someone talking shit about them who didn’t even KNOW.

Lance could never have in that moment of blind rage known that the unconscious reaction to leave his hand open because Keith’s face was too pretty to bruise with a fist would be the most significant decision of his entire life. All he DID know was how god damned good it felt when his palm connected with Keith’s cheek in a sharp and audible slap.

The entire room gasped. Keith did not. Eyes blazing with fury, he lashed out instantly to hit Lance back.

Before it could descend into the proper fistfist it was supposed to be, the entire room had erupted into chaos. Coran was shouting “Sire, you must take that back!” and Lance was spitting out na rejection of that idea, probably went on some kind of completely ignored rant about his pride

Shiro was in between the two of them in only moments, and Keith wasn’t even fighting the separation. Just had this wide-eyed look of dawning horror on his face as he desperately backtracked, “W-wait, I didn’t mean to do that! I-it was just a reflex, he hit me first! It was supposed to be a punch, it doesn't count if I meant to PUNCH him!”

Even as they were separated to opposite ends of the table and the imminent fight broken up, no one had calmed down in the least bit. In fact they seemed to be freaking out even MORE, and Shiro finally had the chance to explain, “Lance, you just proposed to him!”

“ _ Proposed what? _ ” A duel? Lance would TOTALLY duel this little son of a -

“ _ Marriage _ , Lance, and when he hit you back he accepted the engagement! You just asked him to MARRY you!”

A pause. “But we’re… both guys??”

Allura had her face buried in her hands. “That is not relevant here on Altea, nor by the Galran traditions with which you just proposed. Publicly. To a  _ Galran prince. _ ”

“That doesn’t make it LEGALLY BINDING!”

“No, but it did just go viral,” Commander Pinkhair drawled with amusement, scrolling through her phone-looking little screen. “Looks like a servant caught it on film when you stood to strike him, my Lord. A six tick long clip of the two of you slapping each other and it has eight hundred thousand views.”

“A million,” Honerva confirmed form her own little device. “The only context available to the public seems to be a great amount of…  _ passion _ . I’m afraid all of Altea will be talking about it by morning.”

When Coran addressed Shiro, everyone turned with baited breath that was actually a bit confusing considering what had already gone on SO far. But the question was “Well, Shiro? Do you uh, challenge his claim, as it were?”

Shiro’s eyes widened, and Lance wondered what the fuck he had to do with anything. Before Lance could figure it out Shiro was raising his hands in mock surrender and and stuttering, “Uh… no. No I don’t dare to… defy the king,” with only just enough conviction not to ask him is he had actually decided anything.

Keith’s rage, white-hot and previously directed at Lance in the form of glaring lasers into his skull, switched over to Shiro and amplified by a hundredfold. “You  **WHAT** ? Are you SHITTING me right now?! You’re just gonna pass me off to be someone else’s quiznaking problem?!”

“Keith, we’ll talk about this later. Right now -”

“HOW DO I UN-PROPOSE, IT’S JUST A STUPID CULTURAL MISUNDERSTANDING I HAVE TO BE ABLE TO TAKE IT BACK!”

“Certainly. It will just take a press conference and a great amount of loss to your reputation.”

“That’s - I don’t even know if I BELONG here yet! What would I even say, ‘Hi I’m your new king and I proposed on accident trying to start a fight?!’”

“Oh look,” Commander Hira observed cheerfully. “Hashtag #RoyalProposal is trending.”

\--

 

feel free to yell at me at either my garbage/fandom blog [yoyo-dodo ](http://yoyo-dodo.tumblr.com/)or writing/art blog [thesmutwitch](http://thesmutwitch.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't been feeling well lately, so this fic is something of an attempt to break out of depression. Hopefully I'll get a chance to write more.


End file.
